Dog days

I was pleased to see recently in The Current that dog ownership increases longevity (Hints for a Healthy Lifestyle, Chelsea Clarke, Nov 9, 2019).  However, I do think the article overlooked a few minor points, one of which was “If you own a dog are you sure you want to live longer?”  I would proffer a diffident word of caution to people longing for doggy company.

Have you seen people walking their lovely, obedient pooches around town, the docile canine sitting quietly while its human owner talks to a friend and little children pat Rover?  Have you longed for the pleasure of walking with your unleashed companion on paths through the bush?  Are you someone who has looked with pleasure at drivers while their furry, wise companions sit beside them in the car?  Did you ever fantasize about cuddling on the sofa in front of the wood stove with your loyal pet?

Eschew these fantasies; bury these longings! Take a trip to Machu Picchu and immerse yourself  in Inca lore; discover the wonders of tectonic plates and find evidence of their movement in your own backyard; take up juggling, stamp collecting, hang gliding but never, ever look a puppy in the eye.

Puppy eyes, like all young mammal eyes, are designed to make you get lost in your imagination.  You imagine cuddles, you imagine reciprocated love, life-long friendship. In the only-open-when-it’s-too-late inner sanctum of your brain you shut all thoughts of fencing, vet bills, four pairs of ruined favourite shoes, sacks of food, six chewed-to-extinction chairs, joyfully ignored obedience classes, bouncing endless enthusiasm and nighttime barking.  As with all babies, the purchase price is just a teeny-weeny drop in a surging ocean.

Animosh and I, she’s a St. Pyrenees, are one year into this amazing experiment and so far we’ve both survived and she’s prospered, if weight is anything to go by.  She was just over 10 lbs when she got here — over 110 now.  She’s not a big dog but everyone else’s dog has grown smaller.  Her woof is commensurate with her size and, at 2:00 a.m. on a quiet night, quite enough to lift you horizontally off your mattress and give your heart a  stress test which bypasses that tiresome 15 minutes of treadmill.

And did I mention enthusiasm?  Joy unconfined, often expressed very early in the morning on your bed?  Delight in seeing you and every other mortal, sufficient to knock you flat?  Overwhelming happiness to meet another dog — happiness that can drag you across a busy street?  A love of horses, bicyclists, cats, cars, people, that converts, in the blink of an eye, to total action?  A sense of fun that can only be satisfied by two hours of ball throwing?  Or a love of the outdoors that thinks -15 with wind chill is a glorious day and why aren’t you out here with me having fun?  So, just turn away from that silky head with appealing eyes and sober up!

And if you’re still not convinced make yourself a cup of tea, sit down on the sofa, put your feet up and watch your favourite program on TV.  Relax.  And then imagine not being able to do that for at least two years because another being will be trying to drink your tea and slopping it on the coffee table (the rug you’ll have taken out long ago), it’ll be sitting on your knee blocking the screen while staring into your face and bringing paralysis to your legs in between spinning round and woofing at any strange noise on the television.  And then it will want to go out and for you to come too as it’s only spent 93.6 percent of that day outside.

And in that moment you will remember:

“The best dog is a cat”

… but it will be too late.

Animosh (at top) and providing the author with enthusiastic doggy kisses(inset)  Photos Frances Mawson